“They’re coming for every second of your life. That’s what these companies are coming for…It’s not because anyone is bad, it’s not because anyone in this company has evil plans or is trying to do this. They’re not even doing it consciously. It’s because these companies like twitter, YouTube and Instagram and everything, they went public, and they went to shareholders. So they have to grow. Their entire models are based off of growth. They cannot stay stagnant. YouTube, Twitter grossed $4-5 billion last year. It is in the red. It is unprofitable. It has to get more of you….

“We used to colonize land. That was the thing you could expand into, and that was where money was to be made. We colonized the entire Earth. There was no other place for businesses and capitalism to expand into. And then they realized: human attention. They are now trying to colonize every minute of your life.” – Bo Burnham

I am in a battle with my phone from the moment I wake up. I turn off my alarm and am greeted by notifications that could be urgent. If I let my curiosity get the better of me, I will be deep in a doomscroll before I have realized that I am no longer working.

As soon as the cheap dopamine floods my brain, my motivation begins to disappear. If I allow myself to watch YouTube or an episode of a TV show while I bang out my 30 minutes of cardio at the gym, then the desire to binge-watch anime all day becomes irresistible.

Addiction is hard because you have to recognize that you have a problem before you can quit. I used to think that scrolling on my phone and watching TV was the best way to cope with my mental and emotional exhaustion after a long day of teaching. I no longer have that excuse. 

When I was addicted to cigarettes, I tried to quit several times before I finally succeeded. I was fiercely angry with myself for the destruction I was doing to my body and mind.  People know that cigarettes are unhealthy for your body (#lungcancer), but the real killer is the mental space they consume. You are constantly thinking about your next cigarette.

If I could say “no” to a cigarette for 3 days, suddenly the “no” became much easier. But if I said “yes” to a cigarette, the cycle restarted, and I resented myself for my weakness. Saying “no” became harder because I no longer believed in my ability to say “no.” 

Screen time is addictive, too. It’s damaging to our body and mind. The National Library of Medicine released a report explaining that excessive screen time causes eye strain and gives us pain in our necks, shoulders, and backs. They proved it increases depression, anxiety, and mood disorders; it impairs our social relationships and cognitive development.

When I consume passive entertainment, every hour that goes by makes me feel more tired. I am drained and exhausted by this stream of cheap dopamine. My brain does not want to think or create or engage. I don’t enjoy meaningful conversation with my fiancé. I don’t want to read or write or paint.

I am bored. I flip back and forth between Tik Tok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, CrunchyRoll, Netflix, Hulu. I put the TV on while I scroll on my phone. Nothing is interesting. I keep scrolling, hoping that the next video will do the trick. It doesn’t. Like every addiction, the positive effects get weaker and weaker the more you keep using the drug. Still, I keep scrolling. I have no motivation to do anything else.

The problem is: how do you detox from your phone? Should we go back to flip phones and use paper maps to navigate and buy CD players to listen to music?

I don’t have a one-size-fits-all answer. I can only share what I now understand: by passively consuming entertainment in an effort to escape from my emotional exhaustion, I was not doing the activities I needed to do in order to refill my energy and passion.

Fight for your life. Read, paint, write. Sit outside and watch the leaves fall. Do anything creative that feels hard. Discuss a book with someone (hey, consider joining a Novel Exchanges session). Activate your mind. Allow it to feel challenging and new. Be joyful in the risk. There is so much reward in the act of engagement with the creative spirit that flows through us all. Leave your phone in the other room. There is entertainment all around us.